Zork: The Rock Opera

Errol and Pifie have written a walkthrough to help you beat the grand-daddy of text adventure games, Zork. You won't find it on Gamefaqs, however, because it's written as a rockin' three-minute song.

It's called Walkthrough, and was penned as part of the 50/90 songwriting challenge, where entrants must write 50 songs in 90 days.

Those wanting to sing along, here are the lyrics:

"SOUTH"
"EAST"
"OPEN WINDOW"
"ENTER HOUSE"
"WEST"
"GET THE LAMP"
"MOVE THE RUG"
"OPEN THE TRAP DOOR"

"LIGHT LAMP","D","S","E", "GET THE PAINTING", "N", "U", "U", "GET KNIFE AND ROPE", "D", "W", "OPEN CASE", "PUT PAINTING IN CASE", "DROP KNIFE", "GET SWORD", "OPEN TRAP DOOR", "D", "N", "KILL TROLL WITH SWORD", "DROP SWORD", "E", "E", "SE", "E", "TIE ROPE TO RAILING", "CLIMB DOWN ROPE", "S", "E", "GET COFFIN", "W", "S", "PRAY", "DOUSE LAMP", "S", "N", "E", "D" TO THE CANYON BOTTOM, "N", "DROP COFFIN", "OPEN COFFIN", "GET SCEPTRE",
"WAVE SCEPTRE", "LOOK", "GET GOLD AND COFFIN", "SW", "U" TO CANYON VIEW, "NW", "W", "ENTER HOUSE AND OPEN BAG"
"GET GARLIC", "W", "PUT COFFIN, SCEPTRE, AND GOLD IN CASE" "OPEN THE TRAP DOOR", "AND LIGHT THE LAMP",

(this maze is twisty)

"D", "N", "E", "N", "NE", "E", "N", "GET THE MATCHES", "N", "GET WRENCH AND SCREWDRIVER", "PUSH YELLOW BUTTON",
"S", "S", "TURN THE BOLT WITH WRENCH", "S", "D", "W", "SE", "E", "CLIMB DOWN ROPE", "GET TORCH", "DOUSE LAMP", AND "S",

(this maze is twisty)

"GET THE BELL, BOOK, CANDLES", "ENTER HOLE", "D", "RING THE BELL", "LIGHT MATCH", "LIGHT THE CANDLES WITH THE MATCH",
"READ BOOK", "DROP BOOK", "S", "GET SKULL", "N", "U", "N", "PUT OUT CANDLES", "RUB MIRROR",

"N", "W", "N", "W", "N", "E", "PUT THE TORCH IN BASKET", "LIGHT THE LAMP", "N", "D", "E", "NE", "SE", "SW", "D", "D" TO THE LADDER BOTTOM. "S", "GET COAL", "N", "U" TO LADDER TOP, "U", "N", "E", "S", "N", "U", "S", "PUT THE COAL AND SCREWDRIVER IN BASKET", "LOWER BASKET", "N", "D", "E", "NE", "SE", "SW", "D", "D", "W", "DROP ALL", "ENTER CRACK", "GET COAL, TORCH, AND SCREWDRIVER", "S", "OPEN LID", "PUT COAL INTO MACHINE", "CLOSE LID", "TURN SWITCH WITH SCREWDRIVER", "OPEN LID", "GET DIAMOND", "DROP SCREWDRIVER", "N", "PUT THE TORCH AND DIAMOND IN THE BASKET", "E", "E"

"GET SKULL, LAMP, AND GARLIC", "E", "N" TO THE LADDER BOTTOM, THROUGH THE COAL MINE TO THE GAS ROOM, "GET BRACELET", "U", "S", "RAISE BASKET", "GET THE TORCH AND DIAMOND", "TURN OFF LAMP", "W", "GET JADE", "S", "E", "S", AND "ENTER SLIDE", "U",
"PUT DIAMOND, JADE, BRACELET, AND TORCH IN CASE", "DROP GARLIC", "TURN ON LAMP", "N", "E", "N", "NE", "N", "GET TRUNK",

(it is pitch black)

"N", "GET AIR PUMP", "N", "GET TRIDENT", "S" TO RESERVOIR SOUTH, "E", "E", "INFLATE BOAT WITH PUMP", "GET IN BOAT", "SAY LAUNCH" "WAIT" wait wait "GET BUOY", "E" TO THE BEACH", "EXIT BOAT", "GET THE SHOVEL", "NE" "DIG WITH SHOVEL" Dig dig dig

(you are likely)

"DROP SHOVEL", "GET THE SCARAB", "SW", "DROP BUOY", "OPEN BUOY", "GET EMERALD", "S" TO THE FALLS, "CROSS RAINBOW", "TURN OFF LAMP",

(to be eaten)

"SW" TO CANYON BOTTOM, "U" TO CANYON VIEW", GO BACK TO THE WHITE HOUSE GO TO THE LIVING ROOM. "PUT CHEST, EMERALD, THE SCARAB, AND THE TRIDENT IN CASE", "E", "E", "N", "N",

(by a grue)

"CLIMB THE TREE", "GET EGG", "CLIMB DOWN", "S", "E",
BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM, "LIGHT LAMP", "D", "N" "W", "S", "U", "TAKE COINS AND KEY", "SW", "E", "S", "SE" TO THE CYCLOPS ROOM.

"ODYSSEUS"

"U", "GIVE EGG TO THIEF", "D", "E", "PUT COINS IN CASE", "GET KNIFE", "W", "U",

"KILL THE THIEF WITH KNIFE"

"KILL THE THIEF WITH KNIFE"

"GET ALL", "D", "NW", "S", "W", "U", "D", "NE", "UNLOCK GRATE", "OPEN GRATE", "U", "S", "CLIMB TREE", "WIND UP CANARY", "CLIMB DOWN", "GET BAUBLE", GO BACK TO LIVING ROOM, "REMOVE CANARY FROM EGG", "PUT EGG, CANARY, BAUBLE, STILETTO IN CASE", "D", "N", "E" UNTIL YOU GET TO THE LOUD ROOM,

"ECHO",

"GET BAR", "W" TO THE TROLL ROOM, "S", "U",

"PUT ALL EXCEPT THE LAMP INTO THE CASE"

Walkthrough [50/90, via Boing Boing]