Normally, we'd recommend just about any piece of fan fiction that begins with Metroid bounty hunter Samus Aran coming out of the closet. But McSweeney's satirical rant from the Zebes native isn't even remotely sexy.

Serious Metroid fans may get a titter out of the referential piece, but conservative Galactic Federation types aren't going to approve of Aran's faux pro-gay marriage editorial. Hey, it's McSweeney's, not The Onion. It's dry, but amazingly authentic.

Now back to *my* Samus Aran lesbian coming out fanfic...

METROID'S SAMUS ARAN SPEAKS OUT ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE [McSweeney's]

Send an email to Michael McWhertor, the author of this post, at .