To: Bashcraft
From: Fahey
RE: Nice To Meet You, Here Is Some Detergent, Be Nice To Me

What a quaint little custom, and your assumption that we have a similar custom is entirely correct, at least here in my Atlanta suburb. It's almost exactly the same thing, only we call it "Be quiet moving in or we'll stab you." Moving in, we give our new neighbors the gift of not disturbing their day-to-day routine, which includes asking them to move their cars in order to make way for the moving van, or asking them to politely stop going through your moving boxes. In exchange, they don't place blades or bullets into your body with deadly force.

It's very important that you provide a gift like this to your new neighbors, or else they might smash into your car during the first week of your new residency and take whatever strikes their fancy. Not that this has ever happened to me, because my neighbors are very thoughtful people I would never dream of calling the police on in case they might be reading this.

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Send an email to Michael Fahey, the author of this post, at fahey@kotaku.com.