The Weekly Wii Update Has a SecretS

This week's Nintendo Wii update not only includes Evasive Space for WiiWare and NES shooter Life Force on the virtual console, but also a secret surprise clue that we need your help to decipher.

Nintendo's weekly announcement of new content for WiiWare and the Virtual console today came complete with news of a "fun surprise" that they weren't ready to reveal yet. Great! To make matters worse, they then go on to tease us for an entire paragraph.

We can't tell you the secret just yet but maybe we'll offer you some hidden clues. From AZ to NC, if you're a fan, your applause could rattle your walls, windows, door. You might enjoy this news whether you live in a brick house or Vanderbilt dorm. Even people living along Route 286 in rural Pennsylvania ought to be excited. It'll feel like a bunch of birthday greetings and, really, who could ask for more? But that's about all we can say for now, so be sure to check future Wii-kly Updates.

So what the hell does that mean? Could the clue lie in the abbreviations? Something about fans? Why is door a singular while windows and walls aren't? And what's this about Route 286? Looking it up on the internet I discovered that Route 296 encompasses Golden Mile Highway, Saltsburg Road, Washington Street, Salt Street, Main Street, Oakland Avenue, Philadelphia Street, and Franklin Street. Does this mean anything, or am I barking up the wrong tree?

If you find the whole thing too frustrating, at least there's two shooters available this week to help let off some steam. Check out the official descriptions for Life Force and Evasive Space below, while I slowly go insane.

Evasive Space™ (Yukes Company of America, 1-4 players, Rated E for Everyone – Mild Fantasy Violence, 1,000 Wii Points): Launch a one-of-a-kind mission to rescue the stars. The universe is going dark, and it's up to you, Konki the Stellar Guardian, to set things right. Dr. Dark Matter and his roving band of space thieves have stolen many of the Constellation Stones that make up the heavens. It's time to suit up, power up, recover the Stones and once again bring light to the night sky. Using the Wii Remote™ controller's unique pointer capabilities, simply point and thrust Konki through 20 dangerous time- and collection-based missions in the harshest of environments. Navigate through narrow, mazelike astral caves riddled with space worms, steam pipes and mining drills. Explore vast space stations while avoiding turret fire, mines and huge crushing gears. Weave through cluttered asteroid fields and gaseous planetary rings. Evade the hazards, pick up precious items and ship upgrades, and save the Constellation Stones before the night sky is lost forever.

Life Force (NES, 1-2 players, Rated E for Everyone – Mild Fantasy Violence, 500 Wii Points): This classic shooter, originally ported to the NES in August 1988, is a spin-off of the seminal Gradius series. Pilot the Vic Viper through six stages of intense action, alternating between horizontally and vertically scrolling environments, and take on wave after wave of enemies. Destroy particular enemies throughout the game (which takes place within the body of an enormous alien) to release power-up capsules and equip your ship with your choice of more powerful weapons, extra speed and shields. Utilize the power-ups carefully, though, as a fearsome guardian lurks at the end of each stage and won't be easily defeated. You can go it alone or bring along a friend to take on the challenge simultaneously. Do you have what it takes to save your planet?