This past week, Alex Rodriguez copped to taking steroids and everyone went on TV and radio to bitch about it, including me. But is the world of video game sports any more pure?
Pwn or Die compiled a list of 10 characters whose connections to performance-enhancing drugs go well beyond bloated physiques or cartooned numbers. I've got my own thoughts on who out there is shaming their games and filling impressionable young children's minds with the idea that these are reasonable, realistic performances.
My comments on some of those on Pwn or Die's list:
Butcher Brown - Ready 2 Rumble: Their comparison of his physique to Mike Tyson's is compelling. Also, Butcher has plenty of backhair to cover up the bacne.
Giant Panther - Pro Wrestling (NES): Roids and rasslin go together like peanut butter and jelly. Plus, Panther's nookular orange shade resembles A-Rod's oompa-loompa complexion in his confessional interview. His face, however, more resembles Bob Uecker, circa Miller Lite commercial days.
Joe Young - MVP series: Although he was white and looked like Wade Boggs, he was modeled on Barry Bonds, wore Barry Bonds' number, and hit homers like Barry Bonds.
Super Macho Man - Punch-Out: The prototypical garbage can on stilts. Looks like Chris Berman after pectoral implants and liposuction.
Paste - Bases Loaded: If his numbers arouse suspicion, then the entire roster of the Champs from Accolade's Hardball! must have been BALCO clients, because I rarely got less than a 10-run, 20 hit performance out of them each game.