Your Half-Assed Viewer's Guide to Tonight's VGAs

Geoff Keighley went on Major Nelson's podcast to tease a bunch of details for tonight's Video Game Awards. Working from his info, here's some tips on what to watch for, if you're tuning in.

• Marisa Miller, who just got done prancing for Victoria's Secret, and will cavort on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, is going to be involved in this ultra-double-secret announcement about Gears of War 2 tonight.

• "Xbox fans are really gonna like how (host Jack Black) opens the show. There'll be a big surprise, how he opens the show," said Keighley.

• First gameplay footage for God of War 23. (How the hell did I typo that one as 2 ... I'd be less embarrassed if I took my dick out in church. At a wedding.) Exclusive premiers and trailers also for Uncharted 2, Mafia II, Grand Theft Auto: The Lost and the Damned, Terminator Salvation, Watchmen: The End is Nigh, and Jack Black's own Brütal Legend. Keighley said there will also be announcements regarding unnamed games no one even knows about yet.

• "Every segment will have a new world exclusive," Keighley said. "Every five to seven minutes." Sounds good, but aren't there supposed to be some awards handed out?

• Peter Moore will unveil Fight Night Round 4, we knew that. But Gametrailers says it features "a virtual bout between two legends of the ring." I'm halfway hoping that means the boxers themselves are playing the game, but it probably just means gameplay footage. Either way, let's hope the fighters are new and/or interesting.

• Performance by 50 Cent.

• Boldface names live in attendance include Cliffy B and Hideo Kojima. Will Wright will receive a lifetime achievement award.

All these world exclusives, announcements and trailers are exciting and interesting, and will no doubt make for hellacious grist for the coming week (and cause GameTrailers to go into exclusive orgasm overload.) But ... I mean, aren't they gonna like give out awards for games people are actually already playing and stuff?

Anyway. The sixth annual Video Game Awards are on Spike TV tonight at 9 p.m. U.S. Eastern time, 7 p.m. Crecente.

NOTE: This broadcast WILL BE tape delayed on the West Coast. Pacific time viewers can tune in at 6 p.m. local only. Speaking as one, that, in two words, sucks ass.

Major Nelson Podcast #302 [Major Nelson, thanks Kyle M.]