Blitz: The League II Has Exploding Testicles

In case you missed out on the ballin' Midway party last night, here's a quick rundown. The Budlight was flowing, I found out Lawrence Taylor wears watches the size of a small child's head, and, oh yeah, there was some video games there, too. While I got to play Blitz: The League II at the party with everyone else, it wasn't exactly the best environment to sit down and really look at a game, especially with Justin Timberlake blasting in your ears. But is it as experimental as LT says it is?

You know, I'm not sure how I should approach Blitz 2. Yes, it's a football game, but that's just on the surface. Really, this game is about abusing the human body. It's over-the-top, funny, and should not be taken seriously. If you're buying this game for the simulated football experience, there will be little of it. But that's OK. Blitz has never been about that and certainly doesn't try to hide it.

I'm not sure where to start. I'll guess I can go over the football part first.

Obviously, there's no NFL license. Instead, you get to play teams such as the Miami Hammerheads and the Denver Grizzlies. The majority of the logos and uniforms I saw looked ok. The overall gameplay is just like you'd expect a football game to play like. Nothing new to see here. There were some pretty impressive weather effects, though. Especially the snow.

Also, each team has its own ‘superstar' if you will. In can be the quarterback, the linebacker, etc. If you like sacking the quarterback and creating fumbles, then you'll want play the team that has the superstar linebacker. Since I didn't have a whole lot of time, I couldn't dig deep into the career mode. I was told there are three full seasons in the campaign, however. There will also be tournament and bonus modes.

Ok, so now for the other part of Blitz: The League II.

During a game, you'll have the opportunity to injure the opponent. That's no surprising as Blitz was all about making late hits and cheapshotting. This can range from making a simple tackle to pulling off your helmet and hitting the opponent in the face. But it gets worse.

Now, you'll have the opportunity to specifically target an area of the opponent to injure. You have a Clash meter (which fills up after making great plays or late hits), so if your meter is high enough when you're about to make a sack or tackle, the game will slow down (think bullet-time) and enter into a mini-game where you'll pick the area you want injure (head, arms, chest, etc…). Once you've selected the area, you will have to mash the buttons to get a meter to fill before time expires. The more the meter is filled, the more damage they'll sustain. But it gets worse.

If you've done enough damage, you're treated to a nice, little movie from inside the opponent's body. You'll see close-ups of bones breaking or muscles tearing, it's quite funny. My favorite part is the dislocated shoulder.

But if that's not enough, there's one achievement I was told about that will make you wince. It's called ‘Testikill' and, you guessed it, it involves crushing your opponent's, uh, man area. I didn't see this performed (thankfully), but the Midway rep went into detail about it. Trying to keep this post as PG as possible, I can say is that if you've ever wondered what testicles looked like when they rupture, well, you'll find out.

Well that's about enough of this.

Blitz 2 will make you laugh, but I don't know if it will satisfy your hunger for a football game with a lot of depth. If over-the-top violence doesn't gross you out, then feel free to jump in.