Kotaku Originals: We Hold These Truths to Be Self-Evident

That's right, four score and seven years ago today at Valley Forge, John F. Kennedy and the Lone Ranger chopped down the cherry tree that Squanto ate at the first Thanksgiving, and Paul Revere hung a light in the Alamo to alert Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders: "N00B, red team has taken teh control point, FAIL." Then Batman crossed the Atlantic in an X-Wing Fighter to accept the Heisman Trophy from Winston Churchill, and Martin Luther King Jr. said "God bless us, every one of us."

Oh wait, today's July 5th. Shit.

Well, for those in the USophile-speaking world, this is a three day weekend and you should still be burning large amounts of animal flesh on a grill for the next two days, or else you hate freedom. And for that reason, Kotaku's U.S. staff is on an abbreviated schedule today and tomorrow. Our updates will come every two hours today and tomorrow, then it's back to full-strength when Luke Plunkett and the freedom-hating Australians take up the cause late Sunday evening. Until then, I regret that I have but these stories (more after the jump) to give to my country:

Battlefield: Bad Company Review: Going For The Gold

Once a Labor of Love, Sales of Football Rosters Now Inflame Passions

Former CEO Of Struggling Atari Got One Hell Of A Golden Parachute

Is Chrono Trigger DS Coming To America?

Xbox 360 Getting a 3D Dashboard Make-Over?

Too Human Hands-On: Six Hours In And Half-Way Home

The Man Behind Diablo III Talks Plot, Lore and Battle.Net

Playfire Launches PS3 Trophies Gamercard Service

Best Buy Ad Shows Xbox 360 Price Drop

Can You Really Win A Wii As A Carnival Prize?

Ninja Gaiden II Mission Mode Coming This Month

Come Party With Kotaku

Call of Duty: World at War Figures Show Off U.S., Brit Might

Too Human Online Co-op Hands On: Does Double The Baldur Mean Double The Fun?

Alpha Protocol Aims Ambitiously For RPG, FPS Fans

Frankenreview: Battlefield: Bad Company (Xbox 360)

Infogrames-Controlled Atari Gets 49 Percent Of Publishing Revenues From DBZ

Devil May Explode BAM! BOOM! POW!

George Romero Clueless About Dead Rising?

Minority Report Designer Behind New, Motion-Controlled 360 GUI?

Aussie 360 Price Cut Official, Now Cheaper Than Wii<br />

Pachter: Rumored Xbox 360 Price, Feature Set Sprucing Could Squeeze Sony'

Game Club Beyond Good & Evil: The First Assignment

GameTap: Myst Pass-Back Benefits Fans

Sporelebrity Contest Kicks Off

Playing Spore: A Lesson in Teabagging

First Look At FIFA 09, PS3 Gets Exclusive "Game Mode"

Bling Gnome Pays Visit with Golden Offering

I Meet The Band, Get Sauced At The GH: Aerosmith Launch Party

Neil Young Launches iPhone Games Company

List of First PS3 Trophy Supported Games

$299 Price Drop Xbox 360 Is Refurbish? (Bwah?) [Updated]

Blizzard Worldwide Invitational: Level 70 Elite Tauren Chieftain Level Up

Blizzard Worldwide Invitational: "There Is No Penguin Level."

Blizzard Worldwide Invitational: Day One

Blizzard Worldwide Invitational: How Much Is Your Goody Bag Worth?

Blizzard Worldwide Invitational: Diablo III In-Depth