To: Crecente/Bash/Plunkett whom it may concern
From: Owen
Re: After A Long Day, I Just Wanna...

So the cat poops in a potted plant now. Not really, but it is one of those fake plant catboxes you see in the Skymall catalogs. I never ordered anything off a blue-screen 1-800 ad, but this comes close. I didn't really order it from Skymall either, where they mark everything up at least $50. Got it straight from the manufacturer for less.

On that note, why does Skymall devote four pages to the high-speed money counter? You know, that is a problem I just do not fuckin' have. But if I did have a ton of small bills laying around and oh noes!!!111!1 I didn't know how much money I have, man, I am not going to spend half of it on R2D2 telling me the answer. I am going to savor that shit. I'll be peeling off those dollar bills, slappin' em down ... one hundred! Teeeeew hundred!

Oh, you might want to get a look at this. Reader Kevin H. tipped it. KSTP in St. Paul, Minn. is putting up some supa-special report at 9 pm Crecente time about how child predators are gonna be using Xbox Live to satisfy their pervert cravings. Mmmkay. You know, all the bad kids who dig Chris Hansen haircuts and hot tubs are down with GTA IV right now. But I can't imagine saying, "Nice shot, Niko, want to come over and rub I Can't Believe It's Not Butter on my ding-a-ling?" would have much success. Of course, it takes a poll of the entire group to ban someone from a match, so who knows. "No wait! Hear him out!"

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