Kotaku
To: Crecente
From: Ashcraft
RE: Hello? Helloooooo?
Ah, E3! Can't wait.
Every day when I go pick up my kid at school, I go to a bus stop near my house. There's only one other kid who gets off at that stop — a younger kid who lives in the same apartment. His mother is always waiting there, and we usually shoot the shit. She's quite nice and likes to chit-chat. Since Mini-Bash didn't go to school on Wednesday, she was wondering if he was sick. So, yeah, over Golden Week here in Japan, my kid kept barfing. It was pretty bad! We had to go to the hospital and everything, I told her. One day, he upchucked maybe 12 times? On Tuesday evening, he started to feel better, I continued. And at about 7 or 8pm, we decided to go to the supermarket so I could buy some soba noodles to make for him for dinner. After a technicolor afternoon of him not being able to keep anything down, he seemed much better and was very much ready to eat something.
So, we went to the elevator, pressed the button, the elevator pinged! and the doors open, revealing an elevator covered in puke. Someone else had thrown up all over the elevator! It was the worst thing I have ever seen, I told this to the mother. There was an inch of vomit on the floor and it was on the walls and everywhere. It was like an alien was slaughtered there, I said. Truly, truly, truly disgusting. Like why didn't the person who puked everywhere clean it up, you know? Since my kid was still feeling ill, we couldn't take the stairs, and just decided to make do with whatever we had in the house (instant ramen). Worse of all, the elevator is still stinky, days later. Her reply? "So sorry, it was my son who threw up in the elevator." My reply? "Oh."
Can't wait for tomorrow at the bus stop!
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Comments
Ok, if I have start a band our first CD is definitely going to be called "Riding the Vomit Elevator".
That's....incredibly awkward. I seem to always find myself in situations where I say the worst thing possible. Not fun.
Oh is right. I mean, what are you supposed to say after that? It's hard to just ignore and carry on, but you can't really say anything to the person, or it would be rude, and you can't really apologize for being rude earlier, as she would know you are just being polite, and don't really mean it. Damn it's hard to be nice to everyone without looking like your trying to be nice.
Last time I got stuck in a situation like that, I just quietly backed away and left the province for a few years, seemed to work best.
Why wouldn't the mother clean it up? If my child was to puke in a public area, you damn well know I will be cleaning it up. That's plain old NASTY!
Either that story was particularly hilarious, or I'm just up to early. Either way, I had a good laugh.
So very awkward.
"Riding the vomit elevator" is itching to be a metaphor for something.
Don't most Japanese have a vomit fetish? Not that I would know ;)
Sign me up!
Awkward moments FTW!
I pity the woman more than yourself since you weren't at fault in this case and so it'll be more awkward for her than yourself tomorrow.
Wow...so many people throwing up over there. Is that common. I'd be worried if there something catchy. Your kid OK now?
Seriously Bashcraft, what the hell kind of genetic coding do your wife and kid have that it's like barf central over there? I've thrown up maybe, I dunno, four times in my life so reading about all these barf exploits just makes me wonder about what's going on...
@MykalBloom: I laughed, too.
I mean it's somehow sad, especially for Mini-Bash, but it's funny at the same time, especially the description. and I say that as someone who is TERRIBLY afraid of the stuff described, so much I can't even type it out.
B. Ashcraft, I wanna thank you. Thank you so much for posting that story so that I could read it RIGHT after eating breakfast.
I thought Japanese people were supposed to be super-polite and apologetic about everything. Shouldn't she have offered to clean the vomit up and then ceremonially run herself through or something? I really need to update my stereotypes.
Well... she admited that her kid did it (and she didn't clean it up) even after what you told her... hahahaha man she is either a very brave woman or just plain dumb.
I can't remember the last time an inch of vomit made me laugh so much. Good, good stuffs.
Is Mrs. Bash back from round 2 at the hospital yet??
Leave a flaming bag of vomit in front of her door.
She'll never know it was you.
@s1ipstream:
Fuck if I know dude! I've only thrown up like four times in my entire life!
@HootieMac: Section 9 Reject: She *might* come home tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
Bashcraft: I think you should consider probably starting a Kotaku column about vomit stories exclusively. It seems it's been a recurring theme from about as far back as the girl who puked Banana Cakes on the train. :)
Bashy, your family seem to get ill on a fairly regular basis. I've noticed that about the people here in Japan, it doesn't take all that much to lay them low. I don't know if it's the result of a somewhat molly-coddled society or if it has something to do with the way that Japanese doctors tend to over-medicate for everything and thus people's bodies don't build up natural resistances, but it sure is frequent.
Of course, couple that with the tendancy to never take sick days and you have prime environments for the spreading of germs.
@FranUnFine: Same. Emetophobic FTW!
Barf.
Is it strange that it makes me think of River City Ransom before it makes me think of vomit?
your life seems like a sitcom sometimes.
@greatinsight: A large part of the problem could be stress. I got 4 different colds this last winter just because it was such a stressful time for me. Considering how stressed out and overworked Japanese people can be, it wouldn't surprise me if that's part of the reason.
Bashcroft, your life over the last three weeks has been subjected to more puke than any man should have to endure in a lifetime.
I would salute you, but I'd hate for it to butterfly effect into another fit of vomiting in your immediate family.
Lots of "gomen"ing all around, I'm sure.
Tales from the Ashukurafuto Vomitorium.
So awkward. I hate when I put myself in situations like these, but it was totally her fault. For not cleaning up.
That's pretty funny, though. Your life IS like a sitcom. You should write a book!
I hop barfing children doesn't become an epidemic in Japan.
Soudns like sometheing out of the "Exorcist". Disgusting!
Maybe Mini-Bash and Mrs. Bashcraft have some sort of puke connection? One gets sick, then the other gets sick.
Hope everybody gets well soon!
Not sweet. Vomit everywhere.
Man, that's nasty. I've only vomited that much once. And that was when I got food poisoning from a grilled chicken sandwich from Burger King. I first puked all over the bathroom, missing the toilet and I ended up getting all over the sink and bathtub(My mom had to clean it up). I ended up puking for half of the night and I fell asleep briefly to wake up at 2:00 in the morning to start puking again and I didn't have the strength to go back to my bed so I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. Needless to say, I missed school that day. And that was the only day so far that I ever missed a day of high school. But from now on, I'm never eating anything grilled from a fast food restaurant again.
And so he became known as Mr barfcraft. Along with Ms Barfcraft and mini-barf.
And the carpets were never the same again.
Oh man that's awkward. I remember I went to a convention in Sydney once, and the train lines were being worked on, so me and my then girlfriend had to take a bus there, provided by CityRail. It was a nice bus though, so that was fine.
Though about ten minutes from Central Station, this fat kid in front of use turned his head into the isle and just let 'er rip. He went for a while, too. The more agile people like myself were fine getting out, because we could kinda vault over it using the arm rests, but I felt bad for the little old ladies up the back.
Pictures or it never happened.
All this talk about vomiting and noodles got me even more hungry -.- (hopefully breakfast is ready soon!)
Dont you just hate convos like that? you cant help yourself but to tell the story in gruesome detail while at the same time rant about it only to find out(at some point) that the person you told it to had something to do with it (or knew someone that did)
Happened to me several times. Lets just say, we stopped being friends soon after xD
gahhhh i've always despised puke sooo much....
i've kinda learned to get over it...as it seems my cat pukes almost as much as your family does! haha
then there was this time that my girlfriend had food poisoning.....like....REALLY bad....ew
HAHAHAHAHHAAHHA "it was like an alien was slaughtered in there"
Oh christ, Cant breathe, the look on her face musta been priceless.
@doesntlikedede:
I could use a warm bowl of cottage cheese after this story.
why didn't she clean it up? ew!
You guys don't have self cleaning elevators? Oh man, my mental image of Japan must be way off! :)
Seriously, that's disgusting, and I'm sorry you had to experience. I'm sorry anyone would ever have to experience it.
That's hilarious and disgusting. I don't know how I would even begin to clean out an elevator after someone threw up in it. Water hose maybe?
I have that foot-in-mouth tendency as well. Last week I was complaining about the Old Navy credit card to someone, and it turned out they managed an Old Navy. AWKWARD!
@kylenalepa: Maybe it's sympathy barfing, ya know? Like Mini-Bash is coping with his mom being in the hospital by trying to go through what she's going through...? I dunno, never underestimate a mommy/child relationship...
Wow...
Haha, I love vomit stories. My favorite episode of Family guy is the one where Peter gets some free epicac (sp?) from the pharmacy and has a vomit party where everyone is barfing on each other. Ridiculous, I know, but I was on the floor laughing...LOL. There's something wrong with me.
jesus, Bash! it seems like violent vomiting is a family curse for you! you can't escape it in all its many forms. :(
sorry to hear it. hope mini-bash and mrs. bash are doing better!
Ha ha! That's friggin funny! But nothing good ol' yakisoba can't fix! Mmmmmmmm! Yes, I'm still hungry after hearing this story! Once you mentioned yakisoba and how much I love 'em, it didn't matter how gross the rest of the story was!
Holy crap! Is Japan puke central or something? This isn't the first time I've heard vomit stories about Japan. I've read about violent projectile vomit in public bathrooms, about salary men passing out and puking their guts out in the subways. Man! Japan just can't stop!
I couldn't even tell you the last time I puked.
As for the mother. I sympathize with her. My daughters a puker too.If she gets sick, she'll throw up at least once. And if she where to throw up in an elevator I'd probably leave it too. The well being of my child if more important to me then cleaning up an elevator. You couldn't just leave your kid alone, sick out of their mind, to go clean up vomit. It sucks. It really does. I would feel really bad if my kid did that, but my first job is to take care of them plus all they usually want at those times is a parent.
I hope your family feels better soon. ^_^
Wow, I just.. yeah, there's just no words to continue going on in a situation like that. Let's just hope you miss out on any other vomit rooms the neighbor's kid happens to decorate.
Hope the Mrs. and the Mini are doing better.
I'm glad you went for soba in the end.
Does the elevators have carpet walls stuck up with magnets?
Just tear them off and lay them on the floor of the elevator.
[not from previous experience in the slightest....]
Don't let your kid ride the elevator when he's drunk.
Sheesh.
A little common sense, please.
That's what I would've said to her, I mean.
Riding the Vomit Elevator ... I really thought you were going to post another Sasha Grey story.
@Brian Ashcraft: Happy news. Fingers crossed here, too!
Either mash and the elevator barfing kid are MADE to be life long friends...or they're quite possibly the most destructive dynamic duo in japan.
@hondo: I've got a good puke story from when I lived in Japan. Totally gross, too, so if you're eating, maybe wait and read this later.
Basically, I was riding the train to school, and for some reason, I was getting really motion sick that day. Maybe it was because of how crowded the train was, maybe it was the heat, who knows? All I know is that I was on the train when I suddenly couldn't hold it in anymore and ended up puking. Only, none of it got anywhere: I had enough self-control that I was able to keep it all in my mouth.
As my cheeks bulged because of the massive amount of vomit, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to hold it in long enough to get off at the next stop and spit it out in a trash can or toilet, so, begrudgingly, I did the only thing I could do: I swallowed it all back down. The worst part was how much the acidity of the vomit burned my throat. Totally sucked.
So, yeah, maybe there's something about Japan that makes people puke. Still an awesome country, though. :)
Sorry to hear that mini Bash is sick again. it seems like your family has the puking curse! :(
Dude, you HAVE to make 'riding the vomit elevator' a tag for shitty games. Hilarious.
oh god. I might have had that same virus/whatever. My family lived in osaka when I was 10-12, and I contracted some ridiculously insane stomach virus that wouldn't let me keep anything down for a couple solid days, and then I felt better kind of all at once. It happened around the same time of year.
I wonder if it's some kind of seasonal bacteria associated with the cicadas.
of course, I'm willing to blame anything on those creatures. The incessant chirping... *shudder*
@Edmon: Is it worse that I LOL'd, or that I checked to see if you were banned?
LMAO.
I did throw up on the DC Metro coming home late one night (drunk) from seeing They Might Be Giants at the 9:30 Club.
Luckily the car was empty so I just switched cars at the next stop.
One of the few times I've gotten drunk actually.
How often does your kid ride that elevator? There may be some connection between it and your kid vomiting. Is it giving off any fumes?
I bow to you Mr. Bash. Being a vomitiphobic (yes, that's real) I could never have handled myself in such a situation without having a major breakdown. Considering this sounds like the peak of what has been a rough 2 weeks of uncontrollable gastric release I can only pray that karma owes you like 2 weeks in Tahiti for taking it like a man.
Bash's everyday vomiting stories are making me remember a certain movie...
[www.ghostofthefuture.com]
@greatinsight: Doctors only getting paid when you're well might explain it.
Amazing story, i can't imagine how the guy who had to clean that up must have felt.