jersey? can i still get radioactive there?

I didn't think this was as funny as some of The Onion's other stuff. Decent, not great. You want a great Onion piece, search for "five blades"

I really enjoy GTA IV... it's a much more mature game than its predecessors.

I actually try to avoid infringing the law in this game: I take the cab, spare the life of enemies if given the option and try to remain loyal to my friends.

Of course I get the occasional temptation to steal, beat up or kill some people for the heck of it but I am really impressed by all the morality calls you can make now.

Nico?

Umm... Niko? :P

"Though it doesn't affect the game at all, your character is severely afraid of spiders"

This makes me think of, I'm almost positive it was Crencente's, story about the beer and the spider. Since reading that, open containers left out for extended periods are dumped out. Without exception.

@Asper: same here D=

[i]."Special cheat code allows players to experience legal consequences of their actions".[/i]

LMAO! The Onion always cracks me up

My favorites:

-Every other mission is to kill a congressman who condemned the game's three previous versions
-After 10 hours of continuous game play, a subliminal message flashes on the screen telling you to try playing the game in real life
-You can steal cars

Oh the irony! I love it! Funny how The Onion doesn't mention anything about a certain lawyer.

@Asper:
@Grey Gecko:
LMAo. Ai can haz ope n kontainers?!? I kidd I kidd.

@Trowble (XBL/PSN):
Don't seem to recall the lawyer you're talking about. Danny Glover??? Lenny Kravitz??? John Cena??? Or that one Jack guy......form Jack in a Box???

Holy shit, I can steal cars now? This is downright immoral! Alert Congress immediately!

I've played the game, and yes, you can steal cars.
Tomorrow, I'm going to try buying a gun.

Finally! Now I can buy potions again.

@Cruithne:
Stop this madness! I can't imagine what's next. At least it can't be as bad as being able to solicit prostitutes. I can take comfort in the fact that people aren't that amoral.

shit, niko mustve had some severe spider trauma if he has no problem with bike jumps or heli-bailouts.

The Onion needs to get Herbert Kornfeld to rip on Nico for not being OG enough.

Psh, people don't learn in Jersey.

@Sqwerell:
zOMG, soliciting prostitutes is nightmarish. Could not even imagine that horribleness, that or driving drunk in a car that you stole by using a gun!!!!

@Ignorance's Enemy:
Gawd, stop instilling these thoughts into my mind! I have to pray for like, a month to repent for this!

funny ass article for one of the greatest games i've played.

The Onion needs to die. I am pretty sure that The Onion started in my home state but that doesn't change the fact they are lib city.

@Tohdman6:

I don't see any justification in that. At all.

Anyways, this wasn't the best Onion article. Then again, I've only read a few and my fave remains the office ninja flipping out.

@Tohdman6: lol. Someone doesn't "get it"

Dude spiders are fucking scary shit. Nothing needs 8 legs. NOTHING.

I have two phobias actually (the other is my deep fear of krackens and by extension the ocean) but the spider one is rational. I realize that makes it not a phobia. Still.

Rather unfunny for an Onion story. The only funny one was the congressmen one.

@Tohdman6: It started in the great state of Wisconsin -by UW Madison students.

I noticed in the game the cell phone carrier is "Badger" and a street is named aptly "Onion". -Nice shoutouts.

@Sqwerell:
Sorry!!! It effected me too!!! The Pope won't pay for my Twizzlers and Sprite at the movie theatres anymore!!!! These unlawful sins need to be rid of ASAP!!!