Ocarina of Time, where you end up saving all of Hyrule, and Zelda just sends you right back in time to repeat the whole damn process all over again. Thanks.

They wrote Snake sealed the deal.

Snake didn't seal shit. He got knocked out by the wine before his pants had the opportunity to come off.

I think they could have added the entire Fear Effect franchise.

Crap, should or read the article before I commented. They already had mine.

Playing Singles. It takes FOREVER to get them to have sex.

@Double J: Of course

Heh, not sure why they listed Aerith's death. He had an easier shot with Tifa.

Then again, don't think that Cloud is emotionally stable or confidant enough to do anything with anyone. o_o

Pokemon Pearl - you were totally about to peek a look at a Pika's chu...then another redundant fight. Sigh.

The entirety of Bloodrayne 1 and 2.

Mine was 100% -
Carla Valenti in the shower in Indigo Prophecy!!!!!!

AKA: Fahrenheit for those of you with blue balls across the pond

All of those would be on my list...

@Owen Good: GTA prior to IV was a lot of blue ball

All you need to know:

Knights of the Old Republic: Bastilla. God how I would tap that...

Glad to see Ocarina of Time in there. Just about every Zelda game has its blue ball moment at some point.

@Green-clad Gamer Dude: Zelda games are like the definition of blue ball moments. Starcon 2 had you gettin it ON with exotic princess/captain/whatevers, so why can't Link get some action?

Golgo 13

Every encounter with a female character in Snatcher.

@Ndogg550: You know you actually get to do the nasty with Carla in the non-US version of the game, right?

Mae the centaur and the hero in Shining Force. (I know, I'm a sick bastard.)
Oh, and Blaze in Streets of Rage II, of course. Ah, the stockings... the panties... What?! I was 12, cut me some slack!


Oddly, Aerith's death left me quite cold at the time. I didn't find her particularly endearing, and I didn't even have her in my active party.

After playing Crisis Core, however, I like her a whole lot more.
Her flirtatious banter with Zack was one of the highlights of the game, and made me sad about her death in retrospect (is it still retrospect if the game itself came after but its story took place before?)

@Ndogg550: Those of us across the pond got to see Carla Valenti's naughty bits in the final sex scene, thus that particular blue ball moment can only apply to North-American gamers. Now, a shower scene that stuck was that from Parasite Eve II.

007 agent under fire in the mission where you approach a woman bathing in the shower only to realize it's one of R's holograms.

My contribution:

Jessie of Dead Rising.
No, there wasn't much of a relationship there, but look: buff manly man, hot power-suit authority figure, mall full of zombies signifying certain death. If that's not the perfect scenario to get one last busy on, I don't know what is.

Modding DOAXBV for the nude skins. Just because I could and it was every gamers fantasy.

Link and Zelda CAN'T get together, because according to Nintendo, the games have a timeline. If they got together, future Links and Zeldas would be related, and Link would start out living in Hyrule Castle, and not start out every game as some orphan kid who lives in the poor part of Hyrule. Plus there'd be tons of incest fanfics.

Kate in GTA IV.

@Takuthehedgehog: Really? Do you know more? I always thought that each LoZ game was a remake of the first one--over and over and over again.

I can only imagine that this timeline is infinitely more convoluted than the worst nightmares of Capcom's RE writers.

Zelda games defined it, and the Twightlight Princess one took it to a whole new level.

First off this midget that rode you around the entire game turns out to be one hot Princess, and you save another Princess while being accompanied by the other. Then you totally get tossed aside by both of them. Not to mention your childhood friend you run around after is more into your horse than you.

@directhex: The scene is still there in the US version, just edited.

Kingdom Hearts is a good one too.

Sora fights all the way across an entire fucking dying galaxy, saving whole planets from the heartless, kicking enormous amounts of ass, bludgeoning enormous bosses and Disney villains to death with a large key, all to be reunited with Kairi.

So what does he get towards the end of kingdom hearts TWO when he is finally reunited with her in a substantial form?

A fucking HUG! Not even a peck on the cheek!

I think somethingawful did a article on video game top ten lists everyone must contain 2 rare games and it must have FF7 no matter what the list is. Thank you for proving a point.

@Tob3z:

I remember when DOA:XBV first came out on Xbox, and EGM put a cheat in their magazine to get a topless mode, and it was incredibly hard...Then it just turned out to be an April Fools joke. I was thoroughly upset.

@clintonskneecap: Speaking of Rare games, Viva Piñata sure delivers the goods. Those piñatas get freaky.

Pretty funny list, even if I do hate the make-each-item-a-separate-page publication standard. Yes, I know the reasons, I still think it's dumb.

the #1 by far should be....

"I'm Sorry But Your Princess Is In Another Castle."

After going through green and red shelled snapping turtles, some that can fly, A cloud guy throwing spiny living creatures at you, Walking Mushrooms of death, Brothers throwing Hammers at you, Bullets With EYES!!, Various Aquatic Life while holding your breath for 3 minutes, Lava, Fireballs, and a Half Dragon Half Dinosaur that breaths fire and throws hammers.... You find out you arent getting the girl... Nope all you got a is a talking mushroom boy.

If thats not bad enough it doesnt happen once... nope it happens 7 TIMES!!! Then if you are playing the SNES version what do you get for your troubles. A Kiss on the check. Thanx Princess, next time you save yourself.

@Antiterra:
"Now, a shower scene that stuck was that from Parasite Eve II."

As a boy of 13 when that game came out...AMEN

I think Tidus got unlcuky that he didn't get to hit that with Yuna before he ceased to exist in FFX

Gah, SPOILER ALERT! Haven't beaten No More Heroes!

@ShaggyB: ...

Did you READ the article????

Sigh.

Anyways, I present the promise of this commercial, and the end result of playing through Perfect Dark and NO SEXY BEHAVIOUR WHATSOVER.

+ Watch video

Oh, and Eva being a Chinese spy was akin to Martin Lawrence pretending to be a Mexican police officer at the end of Blue Streak. In other words, nothing short of ridiculous.

@BlackDove: Pfft. Yeah right. All that time in the jungle and you think some wine's gonna keep him from getting some?

@YUYU: I'm pretty sure they just didn't want to have gamers freak out at another naked raiden situation..

I take it this entire list was inspired by the Robot Chicken segment?

@clintonskneecap:

What are the 2 rare games? And FF7 just kinda makes sense....so....what points were proven? Just curious.

oh...and it was a top seven list... boy is your face red.

GTA4 is lacking penetration.

I would have to say The Darkness. I'm sitting on the couch with the girl (forget her name)waiting for a lil sumfn sumfn and she falls asleep! WTF!

"The Siren's Deception" quest in Oblivion... also, hiring Eyja as your servant if you buy Rosethorn Hall, especially since she admits to having shared a bed with the owner of Colovian Traders. You know, for a game that's supposed to be right up there with GTA4 at the pinnacle of "go anywhere, do anything," it's sadly lacking in this one, major area.

There's even a book called "The Lusty Argonian Maid" which contains nothing but cheap innuendo! Come on, Bethesda! At least tell me you're going to make things more interesting in Fallout 3....

Miami Nights- Singles in the city. The entire freaking game. I mean wtf? Chat up some honey so I can get her in my bedroom so she can make out front of my bed? No idea.

The premise of having a mate in every different town in Fable, only to realize it's the same character unless you go bi. And even then your house still looks like crap.

Those guys dressed as Pichachus on Pokémon Pearl. Maybe one day my young Pokémon trainer counterpart will finally engage in Pokéiality...

Final Fantasy X

Being Tidus and always wanting to get in to Yunas Summoner dress, even though you would disappear half way through the act having it all be a dream.

So I guess I'm the only one that bought DOAX2?

Being 10 years old, randomly stumbling upon two asian gang members playing Gals Panic really well... and finishing a third level to reveal the "winning pose"