Immigrant Welfare Group Criticizes GTA IV
Comment by: Maldron
Nominated by: JohnnytheFuture

Every single day, I wake up, get dressed, go to school. Attend my classes, talk with my friends, eat more food than is necessary to support my body weight, go home, play games, watch TV, then sleep. And it is boring as all fuck to everybody but me.

No, not all immigrants cause crime, not all minorities wake up planning to commit murder, not all of the characters played by Cheech Marin are stoners. But those stereotypes carry a dramatic element that is exciting to an outside viewer. It's far more interesting to watch a story about a beat cop than a desk cop, despite the fact that both contribute to helping keep a city safe. And for a damn good reason - it's exciting!

Nobody's here to claim that all immigrants who come to America and contribute to crime, but it's an equal fallacy to claim that immigrants who come to America will never be forced into a life of crime to survive here. Thing is, the story of an immigrant who comes and gets a nice job as a bank teller or a secretary is a far cry away from entertainment.

And that's all this game is.

GTA IV Launch: A Tale of Two GameStops
Comment by: RogueSquid
Nominated by: kazzahdrane

1158pm: "I turned the corner to find the entrance had been somewhat boarded up by the zombie staff. All quiet outside...

11:59pm: "No zombies are keeping me from my GTA! As I tore through the benches, seats, golfclubs and random beach equipment that made up the barricade, the first former-possibly-still-probably-still-in-fact-definately-still employee zombie started muttering something about a 'coupon'.

"Register this!" I yelled, picking up the cash register and smashing it down over his temple.

Two more came at me, pricing guns and vacant stares fixed towards me. A moment of worry, but no... what's this? A Mario Kart Wii controller sitting on the counter?!

I dashed towards the nearest zombie, caving his face in with a blow from the $0.99-made-in-China-but-that's-$10-for-you-yanks-wheel before pulling it down over his head. Sweet necklace GORE shot!

The 3rd eyeballed me up and down before lurching towards me! With only one eye I instantly knew it's weakness! I grabbed a new PS3 controller from the wall, then spent the next 5 minutes trying to open the packaging as this freak slowly stumbled around after me. It did at least give me a moment to case the joint and spot the box of GTAIV's on the floor... My prize was close!

12:04am: Packet open and discarded, I flung the PS3 controller at it's only remaining eyeball, muttering "sixaxis that bitch!" as he fell into a heap on to the floor, screaming in a gargled fashion.

12:05am: I bent down and admired the box of GTAIV. Beautiful. I considered taking more than I needed, but i'm no criminal. I picked up a copy and gently carassed it in my hands. "My precious..."

12:07 (following some 'alone' time with the game cover and it's slinky artwork): Suddenly the back door swung open... O... M... F... G. It was Derek, from school, way back when. But now he was... even more gimpy. He slowed came towards me, hands full of... strategy guides! "Do you want a..." Yelling in fear I started pulling down game shelves atop him, but he just kept mumbling "$5 off retail..."

A fist to the head or two and he went quiet. I looked down at him, motionless, drowing in copies of Barbie Adventures, Spyro the Dragon and Halo 3, all pre-owned.

"I pity the fool..." I remarked, slowly heading towards the door. One last "Fantastic!" photo opp, and I was gone. As I wandered towards the mall exit, I felt sure, deep with the darkness, I could still here Derek's pitiful questions ringing on "Would you like a Gamestop branded cleaning cloth? Please?"

12:10am: Girl in car waiting for me. Sweet. She is gonna watch me play GTAIV, without once asking to play, without once asking to do something else or inform me that i'm being 'boring'. Life is sweet.

INT. MALL - GAMESTOP - 12:15

DEREK : Moooooommmyyy...

—

Oh well, coulda gone something like that no?

p.s. I can't be bothered formating the entire thing like a film script. I'm bored tis all.

GTA IV Reviews: An Exercise In Hyperbolism
Comment by: that_happy_cat
Nominated by: 天水

"GTA IV's main achievement is making you feel like a man whilst playing it... a man whose balls are being gently cupped"

- 10/10 BallCuppingGamers.com

Miyamoto Never Thought He'd Be Making Wii Fit
Comment by: celery
Nominated by: hikergirl

Seriously. In one thread, we've got people complaining that mainstream media don't "get" gamers, that gaming deserves social acceptance, that even the term "gamer" and its associated stereotypes is outdated.
And yet here, we've got a bunch of people railing against the man who is working the most to make that happen. Really, Miyamoto is the best ambassador the gaming community could wish for, and his reward is getting stabbed in the back by mopey kids with entitlement issues.
Crowing Guardian articles aside, even today, not every kid is a gamer. Plenty of people will still grow up never touching a console and harboring the same stereotypes of fat, sweaty nerds covered in Cheetos crumbs. Ten million people may play WoW, but a hundred million are ready to laugh at them at the drop of a hat.
Yet there is an odd phenomenon going on. People who can't think of gamers without thinking of a 24 pack of Mountain Dew may be themselves playing Brain Age or Wii Sports, or god forbid, Carnival Games. They don't think of themselves as gamers, but these stereotypes are slowly being eroded away. And really, it took a big name like Miyamoto to do this, because God knows it wasn't happening earlier.
Say what you want about mini-games and waggle, but it was no easy task, and working on it was far from an insult to Miyamoto's skills. Sure, Miyamoto's name alone carried a part of the effort put into this new direction for Nintendo, but if it took a big name to accomplish this, then I'm glad a big name was used. If Zelda disappeared, someone would fill the void eventaully (*cough* where is that damn Okami sequal already *cough*) but there are very few people who can put gaming in the public eye in a positive light, and I can only think of one who actaully did.
And to top it all off, come on people, these games are pretty fun. Get off your high horses and enjoy the waggle; after all, gaming is gaming, casual or hardcore.

Grand Theft Auto IV Is In The House
Comment by: IgnorancesEnemy
Nominated by: John-irl

Wow, I usually read through all the comments first before commenting on an article but goddamn, a lot of this is just purely insignificant arguing that will amount to nothing. Like honestly, this is quite disgusting, and you guys always wonder why modern day gamers are always looked at as ignorant assholes with no life. The main thing that seems to be the orange apples of the batch are

"Well GTA is meant for the PS3 so that is what im buying it for"
"Oh my god, you're a f*king idiot, stupid fanboy"

Listen, yes, GTA has had its history with Sony and the Playstation console but it comes down to this, if it was meant for the Playstation 3 only, it would be a Playstation only game, but the fact is, it is NOT a Playstation only game therefore it was meant for BOTH the Playstation 3 AND the Xbox 360.

So, with that said, stop throwing insults and slurs at each other for something that is completely ignorant. Both consoles are awesome and show a lot of progress in technology since their last installments. They both have their weaknesses and strengths as with anything else in this world. Now I'm not saying stop comparing the two or whatever, but what I am saying is do it a civil and more mature way and not acting like an asshole because you know there will not be any outside consequences. Discussing things civilly is great because you get to learn some things that you did not know about before and it gives you the knowledge to make a better choice that will suit you when it comes to a matter such as which console to buy. But blatant insults and profanity does not do anything but show how incompetent and ignorant you truly are and in the end, does not even get your point across.
Now, I do not try to sit here and act like I am superior to everybody else but this has really gotten out of hand and I think this is a well needed wake up call for some of you.
So lets be civil. Please.

And The Winning Tattoo Is...
Comment by: mgyoung
Nominated by: jesp3r

What's the point in holding a vote if you're not going to honor the result? I feel like Palestine.

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