Kotaku
After reading almost daily accounts of video games being blamed for some sort of horrific violence or another, it's lovely to see a lighter take on the same sort of story I often find myself writing, courtesy of satire news organization The Onion. In an article published today entitled "Wii Video Games Blamed For Rise In Effeminate Violence", The Onion takes a look at the growing trend of wuss on wuss violence inspired by Nintendo's console.
"The Wii's fluffy flowers and bright peach-colored sunlight glorify chasing precious talking rabbits with plungers," Greer said. "What kind of message is that sending to our children? That it's 'cool' to act like some kind of electrical elf or banana fairy?"Having personally witnessed a child being severely thwapped across the back of the head (by me), I have to agree with the members of Parents Against Wii...the madness has to end. In the words of PAW's founder Linda Roberts, "One of these days, the red marks on our children's arms might not just go away after five minutes."
Wii Video Games Blamed For Rise In Effeminate Violence [The Onion - Thanks Kenneth!]
Comments
Heh, I love the Onion. My third favorite site right now behind Kotaku and WWTDD.com ;)
Once again, I curse you lucky bastards in NYC for getting a print version ;)
Banana fairy... hah!
Fruity Aggression... Classic... :)
My little cousin made a real omelet after playing Cooking Mama. What has this world come to?
The pic made me laugh. Poor kids...
Omg that pic omg thats soo funny XD
Any Yoshi game would turn most people either totally gay or totally crazy after 5 mins tops, teh cutenahs!
Sad thing is that i have heard stories much more superfluous than this one and the ones i read are usually real.
@TheInquisitor:
well tingle is your avatar...
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
This isn't funny, people. How many time-outs and frowny-face stickers must our children get before we realize the extent of this problem? Yesterday I saw a young gang of hoodlums, ne'er-do-wells and nogoodnicks chasing poor wild animals and shaking bells at them...
Time until somebody who doesn't get the joke: 04:03:60
Pretty funny...
I can see this almost being a real story... Hundreds of copies of Halo and Call of Duty 4 purchased by fathers wanting to "butch up" their Wii-loving sons.
"Goddamnit, Jeffery, I told you no ice cream until you get 3 more headshots with the AK-74u!... and if I catch you playing WiiFit again, so help me God..."
=/ My cousin headbutts his brother and says, "You're too slow." Funny, because those are two different characters, but all originating from the same game. Idiot.
I wish the Onion did more game related stuff. 95% of what they write is solid gold.
You just can't please anyone these days. If it's got guns and explosions, then it's training kids to be murderers. If it's got stars and rabbits, then it's training kids to color-coordinate their closets and get monthly pedicures.
@Evil J: I agree. I would be horrified to come home from work one day and find my son playing Cooking Mama. I would have to make him play God of War 1 and 2 back to back before he was allowed to touch another Wiimote.
@BambooCactus: I hope you were joking because they are. . . . geez lighten up it's just satire and pretty hilarious to boot
If I blame Nintendo for anything, I blame them for violence to chickens!
Lol...
You know, violence around the world has diminushed statistically after videogames arised on mankind. So why those "facts" based on.. nothing but exception cases keeps coming up?
Jack the ripper likes sharp stuff and we aren´t blaming them (the blades), but him as a exception.
Anyway, yah, keep thinking that fiction and entertanment is the way to educate people instead of schools, while on japan they just denied the pressure to ban those hentai mangas involving sex with children cuz they prefer that people read stuff like that insted of doing it. Hell, that´s FOX for you, burning books about nazism (or telling you to do that) so people will just pretent that it never existed. (making an Indiana Jones movie with Nazis would be hard this way huh...) But it´s the ever longing hipocrisy that brings up stuff like in that South Park episode "people won´t complain and not even notice if that guy loses and arm and get beat until a red pulp of blood, but if someone shows up naked with his dick on the TV screen, then is unnaceptable"
@Mr.SithNinja:
I suddenly got a mental image of the "Homocil" sketch from SNL. "Who wants creme brulee?"
[www.broadcaster.com]
@Angryrider:
Duck Hunt, well i guess thats close enough.
Then let the kids play No More Heros or RE:4 Wii editon and that will be the end of that. But the idiot parents and will turn them into anti-violence parents either way i fell sorry for those sheltered kids and their stupid ignorant bigot parents they are going to be talking about this to their shrinks latter on in life.
You may all laugh now at Nintendo wii, but One day, someone might well be assassinated by a well placed toilet plunger, chocking on the still warm faeces, marinated in urine and bleach. So mock all you will......soon.....soon....
*builds a planet-killing firing toilet plunger*<
@Lachoy: Wow, obviously you didn't get the satire in my comment, so it's a wonder you can detect satire in anything else. Jeez, lighten up.
@Onizuka-GTO: Crap... I didn't get a chance to prepare myself for that comment. Now there's a highly disturbing mental image running amok in my head!
@Evil J:
Sadly Homocil is a desperatly needed product in the real world. Because it is indeed the person who has to take it that is the problem.
What about those kids that saw Sandman get created in Spiderman 3, and then decided to bury their ten year old friend head first into a sandbox to make him into a sand monster?! It really happened, and further more, the News Crew blamed the videogame...
Go onion!!! I love it!
Sorry, i had to :P
[i29.tinypic.com]
It's not that good, but meh.
Nintendo games go far beyond that. Mario? Nintendo's trying to get kids hooked on 'shrooms. Pokemon? Animal cruelty, for sure.
@Angryrider: BWAHAHAAHAHAHA! Nice Link to the Past reference! I used to love to stab the chickens till they swarm you. Ahh, memories....
Nintendo obviously means more than banana fairies and electric mouses. Zelda? It's cool to eat hearts. Mario? Awesome to take 'shrooms. Pokemon? Animal cruelty is the bomb.
Banana fairy? I AIN'T NO BANANA FAIRY!
*whisper whisper*
Wii? So they weren't questioning my sexuality? Oh.
I STILL AIN'T NO BANANA FAIRY!
Ugh. Sorry for the double post. Submit button messed up on me.
Well, this idiot is nothing short of hilarious.
Maybe he should look up Sega's little Next Generation bestiality fantasy.
@GuardianEarth: Huh? I don't really get it. You know that the Onion is a humor and satire site, right?
"[...]electrical elf or banana fairy".
This is going to my book of greatest quotes of all times...
Nintendo is truly evil... thanks to them, I have a dark past of stomping living brown mushrooms, eating red and green ones (prejudice), and ripping off wings from turtles.
But this is all a thing from the past... I do get the urges to ride green spotted human-sized egg shitting dinosaurs that eat stuff with a frog-like tongue every now and then though.
DAMN YOU NINTENDO, DAMN YOU!!!
Now, excuse me because I have to spend some quality time with my 4 strength 4 stam leather belt...
Tingle could make any person become violent. And Tingle seems a bit effeminate.
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