Here I've been trying hard every week to try and link the new Virtual Console titles into some sort of cohesive theme, and then this week Nintendo goes and brings their own theme with them. Considering how much later than normal the release hit today, they might just want to leave that to us in the future. Anyway, this week's theme is kidnapping, a surefire gaming storyline if ever there was one, until you start imagining what the victims are going through. Then it just gets...disturbing.

Final Fight (SNES - 800 Points): The game that eerily predicted Jesse Ventura's political career is back and the same as ever! Join Mike (my name) and Cody (my dog's name) as they beat the living hell out of anyone between them and their daughter/girlfriend respectively. Let's hope they can keep that straight.

Mighty Bomb Jack (NES - 500 points): The sequel to just plain Bomb Jack, this game finds Jack battling the demon Belzebut over 16 levels of an ancient pyramid in order to rescue the Pamera family, which for some reason makes me crave a turkey bacon on asiago cheese focaccia.

Ordyne (TGFX16 - 600 Points) Even side-scrolling shooter pilots' girlfriends get kidnapped! This shooter in the Gradius vein sees Dr. Tomari and Felix taking on the evil Kubuta, who wrongly believes that really pissing off the hero of the story by stealing his fianc e is a sound strategic plan. Idiot.

Maybe not the best week for the VC, unless you're a stalker looking to take things to the next level and looking for pointers. Michael Fahey

Wii-kly Update: Three New Classic Games Announced for Wii Shop Channel

A crime spree on the Virtual Console(TM) this week has resulted in a trio of kidnappings, threatening to ruin the weekend of three classic video game stars Mike Haggar, Dr. Tomari and Mighty Bomb Jack! Do you have what it takes to bring their enemies to justice on three generations of consoles; NES, Super NES and TurboGrafx16? For the best retro gaming around, it's time to pay a visit to the red-hot Wii(TM) video game system's Wii Shop Channel.

The three new classic games go live at 9 a.m. Pacific time. Nintendo adds new games to the channel every Monday. Wii owners with a high-speed Internet connection can redeem Wii Points(TM) to download the games. Wii Points can be purchased in the Wii Shop Channel or at retail outlets. This week's new games are:

Mighty Bomb Jack(TM) (NES(R), 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Mighty Bomb Jack is an action/adventure game that was originally released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1987 by Tecmo. The hero of the game, Jack, must make his way through 16 levels of a pyramid in order to defeat the demon Belzebut and rescue the royal Pamera family. Each level is split into two parts; an action zone and a Royal Palace room. Action zones can be split up into several portions, and contain power-ups usually hidden in treasure chests such as money bags, Mighty Coins, and Mighty Drinks. Mighty Coins allow Jack to change colors; blue allows Jack to open orange treasure chests, orange allows him to open any treasure chest by simply touching it from the side, and green transforms all enemies on the screen into coins for 5 seconds. Mighty Drinks add 10 seconds to the game's timer.

Final Fight (Super NES(R), 1 player, 800 Wii Points): Jessica had it all. She was the daughter of former wrestling star and mayor of Metro City Mike Haggar and girlfriend to Cody Travers, one of the coolest and toughest boys around. But now she has been mysteriously kidnapped! Take to the streets with either Haggar or Cody and fight your way across town, deep into the turf of the Mad Gear Gang. As you cross the town, fight with all your strength to save the one you love. Enjoy unmatched beat 'em up action in this arcade classic and discover just who is behind the Mad Gear Gang in what may be Metro City's final fight.

Ordyne(TM) (TurboGrafx16, 2 players, 600 Wii Points): Ordyne is a port of the popular side-scrolling arcade shooter that includes simultaneous two-player co-op play as well as impressive visuals and catchy background music. The evil Kubota has kidnapped Dr. Tomari's fiancee, Kana, and taken the colossal nuclear reactor Ordyne. In order to reclaim them, Dr. Tomari and his assistant Felix take to their battleships and head off in pursuit. Avoid enemies and advance through seven different levels that take place on land, sea, and air. Collect crystals from defeated enemies and use them to buy items or upgrades for your ship at the Space Inn. Do you have what it takes to defeat the boss at the end of each level and ultimately reach Kubota in the final stage, Kubota World?

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