You lost at a video game. And definitely it was not because you were bad.


In fact, there are a slew of perfectly good reasons for why you lost. This time, you lost because you had a finger spasm. You lost the next round because you thought you heard something growling in the freezer. Surely, however, you did not lose legitimately. The truth is flimsy, much like your ability to land an Up-Smash.

Below is a list of excuses for why you did not win, and, in fact, lost at a video game. Luckily, many are quite interchangeable. So, next time you find yourself playing a game you are not good at, try mixing and matching. We all have that one friend who has an infinite archive of excuses. Why not get on their level?


Please feel free to add your own in the comments!

  • My joystick is full of slime
  • I drank too much moonshine and have worms
  • My late mother was a turret
  • I was too busy yelling about how good I am
  • You are invisible, la-de-da-da
  • The A button only made my cat explode
  • Lag
  • I fell in love with an aimbot and we are getting married in Las Vegas
  • War is hell
  • I’m used to the 1978 version of this game, which was shadow puppets under my bedsheets
  • Kittens
  • My wi-fi is aliens
  • They counter-picked me, so I dug a hole and am buried deep within it
  • Lag
  • My team is three babies in a trench coat
  • Missed inputs... but really, the reason is an arcane secret, inside an underground obelisk guarded by the Dark Lord’s most trusted priests
  • LaGgGgGgggg
  • The shield button isn’t working and will only sing the Friends theme song
  • Liar, liar, pants on fire
  • This game has no win state and can we truly be sure anything is real?
  • Bernie Sanders was cheated
  • I didn’t read the manual for this console
  • “Actually, CRTs didn’t have any lag, but HD TVs and rear projection would be really bad, but people just thought it was the game being shitty, not their TV, which completely changed the landscape of gaming because devs suddenly had to adjust for all this lag. It’s also why 60 FPS became less important, since most games on SNES were 60 FPS because higher frame rate means more precise input and tighter game play, but after HD TVs you couldn’t really design games that had tight gameplay, so they stopped caring about performance as much.”
  • This controller was constructed out of broken glass and insect larvae

Any my personal favorite:

  • Oh, dang, you’re really good. I had fun. GG.