When Crecente posted our uber-exclusive Playboy sneak peek of the "Women of Video Games" foldout, the response was one of overwhelming indifference, seasoned with just a dash of the ol' double-you tee eff: who were these women, and why should we give a shit?

I was one of the most outspoken of the naysayers, having nothing better to do with my life than send the link to all my friends so they can tell me how erudite and sarcastic I sound in my pages-long comments.

As is often the case when this troop of apes we lovingly refer to as our "readership" descends, fangs bared, onto the undeserving heads of some windmill foe, a representative of the victimized establishment will make a cameo on the Kotaku commenting stage. In this case, one "Scott", who defended his publication with restraint and good humor.

Scott also made sure to send me a copy of the Playboy in question, which makes me pause to consider my choice of a career wherein any maniac with correct postage will deliver pornography right to my door. It is both exciting and terrifying.

I have now ogled these "Women of Video Games" in their finished state, and even read the accompanying blurbs. To absorb my learned opinions on these jubblies, unhand yourself long enough to jam your filth-encrusted claw onto the jump link.

As I am currently eating fondue in a fancy caf

, I hope to complete this post before being thrown out for public indecency.

I'm not sure what occurred between the sketch phase we saw and publication, but the final 3d renders of these Women of Video Games 2006 range from mediocre to outright offputting.

I make exception for the delightful Sarah Morrison, first on the left, who displays a pert but all-natural chest, dewy skin with realistic tanlines, and surprisingly adorable white panties (pantsu?). My only quibble is with her hair, which appears to have been slept on after a long hard decade of crimping irons and Aqua Net (the Eighties).

I won't go completely Queer Eye on the rest of the girls, except to say that the character modelers have been looking at too much porn with women who can't afford decent breast implants: It's poorly-placed nipples and drum-tight spheroids as far as the eye can see. The only things they left out were the stretch marks and scars.

Jessica McRae, second from the left, appears to be a RealDoll wearing a swath of rubber incontinence sheeting. She is by far the most revolting of this Pic-n-Mix.

The God of War girls, center, appear to have had more effort put into rendering their kneecaps than their Ken doll feet.

The next girl is entirely unremarkable.

Jasmine Lin, second from the right, has a more coltish physique than the others, which is welcome, but appears to have a lazy eye.

And lastly, Enrica from Splinter Cell: Double Agent, who seems to be entirely coated in some sort of lanugo. She resembles one of those velveteen deer you can purchase at flea markets. I bet she's comfy!

I always wonder, when I see a displeasing representation of a person in a magazine, how much fault belongs to the model, how much to the photographer, and how much to the magazine's in-house retouchers. These renders, with the exception of Sarah Morrison, seemed rushed, airbrushed, or both.

Now, I realize the vast majority of you are not so picky, and that my snot-nosed objections are mostly academic, but I do it all for you. Someone has to keep the bar raised.

It's probably that "make a pinup for Playboy" was not high on the list of priorities among game companies approached, especially seeing as many of them are still working on the unreleased games.

I wonder if better results would not be gleaned from a retrospective focus, as opposed to the purported "six months ahead, six months behind" timeframe that currently limits the pool. Eliza "I just wrote way too much about boobs" Gauger