You'd think I'd speak English well enough to be able to ace English Training for the DS Lite. Ironically enough, though, this was not the case — I didn't account for the fact that it's an English training game in German.

"Das mitsprechen ist eine der grundlegendsten und effektivsten Lern-methoden uberhaupt," I read aloud, caking the DS Lite screen in phlegm as I tried to mimic the harsh German gutturals. I have no idea what this means, or what I'm supposed to do. The diagram on the bottom screen seems to indicate that I have to use the DS Lite wifi to beam an apple somewhere.

I keep on clicking "Welter" until the entire demonstration loops around. At one point, the DS Lite asks me to write the sentence I hear. "He is very beautiful," a voice commands. Um... okay.

"He is very beautiful," I write. I am wrong. I listen again. "HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL," I try writing in all capital letters. Nothing.

Finally, someone leans over my shoulder, watches me try to write "He is very beautiful" one more time, this time in cursive, and says rebukingly: "It's she. SHE is very beautiful." I try it. It works. I walk away from the display with my head down, certain that every skewed gaze in the Leipzig Convention Center is cast judgingly upon me. Florian Eckhardt