Bullet Witch was actually a presents of sorts. From me, to me. Today is my birthday. I turn 28. While Crecente used the word "whippersnapper," 1Up's Luke snarked that 28 is "old" and that Bullet Witch is a "turd." Luke hates everything, birthdays included.

I'm at the point where it doesn't matter whether or not if I get a cake or presents, really. And before this turns into an omg-soon-I'm-gonna-be-thirty post, I'd like to ask Japan to stop putting fruit on cakes. Creamy frosty is enough. Strawberries, apples and melon are not compulsory. I like my cake and fruit separate, geddit?

I assume this could've been worked out at the bakery.

Guns and witchcraft, on the other hand, are actually a pretty decent combo. Third-person-shooter Bullet Witch tells the story of Alicia, a witch, who trades her broomstick for a broomstick-like machine gun. She's an enchantress on a mission, out to save the world on the verge of extinction.

Quick and dirty: The bullet-plus-witch element is novel and fun. While spell weaving compliments bang-bang, the actual shooting itself is somewhat lacking. When Bullet Witch was released in Japan, the game's "deep physics" were pumped. Yet, while it's possible to blow up a tanker from a mile away, it's impossible to shoot out a store window from three feet. Annoying. Another gripe is that all the bad guys (so far, at least) look the same, but that doesn't really concern me right now. I've got pettier concerns, like picking the kiwi fruit off my cake. Brian Ashcraft

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