Frank, you've made a hideous mistake. Not waiting for the helicopter to land was bad enough, but jumping in the first place when any idiot could see, and smell, the zombie morass that the mall had become...I just don't know anymore. I'm very disappointed in you.

Luckily, there's still time to redeem yourself and get out alive. You know that helicopter is on the way, all you gotta do is buck up and wait it out. Something Awful tells us how.

Day Three

As soon as your final day begins, drink all of the warm spoiled milk sitting next to the blonde woman and run to the helipad. Position yourself so that your body blocks the door, just in case some zombies infiltrate the security room. The key here is to keep yourself busy without thinking of the shambling figures who want to eat you in the parking lot below. Pressing Start to read through everything in the menu and look at the map pauses the game (which of course means that no time passes), so don't bother.

Once it gets dark, realize that although there are 72 hours in three days, you were dropped off in the afternoon of the first day. The helicopter won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. Go back inside and stare at the blonde girl some more.

The last time I posted something from SA, a reader commented to tell us how disappointed he was that Kotaku was sullying itself with a website that took such joy in ridiculing minority groups. I will bet you anything that he's a furry. Eliza Gauger

Dead Rising Survival Guide [Something Awful]

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