On today's episode of Please Shut Up, a website that has redefined my criteria for judging other humans:

- are they funny?
And
- can they draw?

If the answer to both questions is "no", I cannot possibly relate to them on any meaningful level and they are, for all intents and purposes, worthless. One or the other is fine. But the absence of both qualities leaves a gaping void that can only be filled with misanthropy and Red Vines.

This brings us to the "Gaming Widow", a woman I want to marry just to spousally abuse, and then divorce. She can't draw, isn't funny, but insists on inflicting attempts at both on you, me, Jesus Christ, and the whole of the internets. Meet the Cathy of the Web 2.0, after the jump.

In response to someone correcting her constant and inexplicable misspelling of the word "loser":

WidowQ said,

on July 9th, 2006 at 9:24 pm

HaHa! I found your email quite whitty. [1] Actually we used to spell it that way for the "valley girl" accent. (High school joke. We were very mature! <=Insert sarcastic tone.) It wasn't intentional that I did it that way on the site just habbit [2] then I thought I would leave it that way to start dialogue. [Sure you did.]
And it takes a LOT to offend me. (excepting days when I am hormonal/tired/sensitive ... ) [EG, constantly]
Perhaps I can make it mean that gamers are "looser" in the brain compacity. The more you play the looser you will get ..... :P
Thanks for the email!
-widowQ

Accusations of looseness are tragic and hilarious coming from a woman whose husband prefers raiding to marital sex, which is her number-one webcomic topic, followed closely by her husband wanting to have sex with her but being refused because he played games too long.

This is exhausting and depressing, so I'll just end by drawing your attention to the embarrassingly misused "search terms" field: Search terms: Gamer promises something special for date night, widow dressed up, gamer reveals a 2 player console game, widow runs off crying.

Eliza Gauger

Behold the horrible comedy stylings of the Gaming Widow. [Gaming Sucks, thanks tipster whose email I deleted by accident]

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