Dustin Diamond, a man whose on-screen charisma matches Jerry Lewis after a resounding hay-maker to the crotch, has made an entire career out of being an on-screen doofus. And although he would probably top the answer list on the Family Feud question, "What child actors have gone on to be gay porn stars?", Diamonds actually followed up his career as Screech on Saved by the Bell as a stand-up comic... telling stories about being Screech from Saved by the Bell.

Screech is also a gamer. And while he's easily terrified by tiny girls out to mug him, he apparently stops cowering in a pool of his evacuations when his PSP library is at stake:

Diamond said he was opening his door to go downstairs to catch a ride for a 5:15 a.m. flight when he heard a "boom." "Somehow she got back in and is now holding a can of Mace up," he recounted. "I'm freaked out and jump back and she says, 'Where's the money, come on, tell me where it is, and she's trying to look through my bags.' " Diamond managed to call 911 and the hotel security. He said he tried to "give her a house shirt to make her go away," referring to the T-shirts he's been hawking to save his Wisconsin home. Then, he said, "she grabs my PlayStation Portable games, said, "This will have to do," and goes running out the door. "I'm a big gamer and you don't mess with the D-man's videogames," he said. Diamond, an alum of Celebrity Boxing 2, said he tried to stop her but she yelled, "Rape!" and "Help me!" I'm thinking great, this is all I need," Diamond said. The actor said he managed to recover his games as police arrived.

So he's maced by a little girl, then mugged for some video games. But when it comes to his PSP, he puffs out his chest and refers to himself as "The D-Man." Then he's accused of rape. Keep in mind this is the rambling, go-nowhere story of a professional stand-up comic. Screech sure has come a long way since he made out with Tori Spelling, hasn't he? Florian Eckhardt

Screech Gets Mugged by a Girl [Superficial]

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