You, like us, probably couldn't care less what the plot of Yoshi's Island 2 is. "Look, I don't care why I'm running from one end of a two-dimensional plane to the other with a purloined baby riding my back and a bunch of eggs spurting out of my ass. Just let me do it."

Nevertheless... Anton Chekov, move over!

A mysterious floating island has suddenly appeared over peaceful Yoshi's Island. Soon after its arrival, a gaggle of kids vanishes from the island school. Thankfully, Baby Mario, Baby Peach and Baby Donkey Kong manage to avoid being kidnapped. Now, Yoshi and the three young superstars must set out on a wild and colorful quest to rescue the kids and investigate the ominous island hovering overhead.

Sure, it's masterfully wrought, suspense filled! But we prefer the lithe literary grace of the upcoming Kirby game's plot: "When someone steals some strawberry shortcake, the pink powerhouse sets out after them, learning new skills." And, of course, xenociding entire species of enemies while he's at it! FLORIAN ECKHARDT

Yoshi's Island 2 Storyline Revealed [Press the Buttons]

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